Vitals Stable, Nurse Not: ICU Diaries

Millennial nurse diaries from the blurry edge of professionalism, burnout, and full moon charting chaos.

Jun 22, 2025

Why I’m Starting The ICU Diaries

I didn’t start this to be brave. I started this because I was starting to dissolve.

I’m a nurse — ICU, neuro, chaos unit, whatever you want to call it — and some nights it feels like I’m holding back death with my left hand and burnout with my right. There are silence-before-the-code moments that live rent-free in my spine. There are blood pressures that skyrocket just to spite me, and others that flatline out of nowhere — both feel like betrayal. There are call bells that never stop ringing, not even when you leave.

And then there’s me, on the other side of the shift, barely breathing, replaying every moment — every mistake, every save, every moment of holding someone’s fear in my palms like it was made of glass.

This weekly post isn’t about being professional. This is about being real.

This is the chaos I can’t explain to anyone who hasn’t stood in compression socks, soaked in adrenaline and someone else’s bodily fluid, trying to remember the last time they peed.

I’ll be writing once weekly satirical shift reports, midnight reflections, and emotional dispatches from the battlefield of caregiving — the place where your soul splits open a little, every single time, and somehow finds a way to keep going.

You’ll find:

Fictionalized, unhinged “incident reports” (trust me, they’re safer than therapy)
Rage at systems that don’t care if we break
Tender grief and the sacred absurdity of being a nurse
Spiritual trauma-cleanups in Crocs
Bits of poetry, spells, rituals, and emotional CPR
Occasional pasta recipes or book hauls when I dissociate too hard to process death

I started The ICU Diaries because I needed a place to put it all — the pain, the laughter, the near breakdowns in the supply room, the feeling of being both too much and never enough.

This is for nurses who are holding it together with caffeine, code-switching, and sheer f*cking willpower.

This is for the ones who still give a damn.

📎 Before You Proceed, Read This:

Disclaimer: These entries are fictionalized, satirical reflections inspired by real-life nursing experiences. All identifying details have been changed or merged beyond recognition in full compliance with Swiss law and nursing ethics. This is not clinical documentation. This is storytelling, survival, and spiritual processing in written form.

ICU Report No. 1 — “The Night Nursing Broke the Simulation”
Filed by: CRN Solena, Vascular Queen, DEFCON 3 veteran
Unit: Internal Medicine ICU Unit (aka The Warzone)
Date/Time: from slightly hopeful to existential crisis

Incident Report No. 1: The Diuretic Deadlock

At approximately 15:30, Charge RN Solena entered the battlefield with the optimism of a slightly bruised but still operational Millennial. Moments later, she encountered the fallout of what appeared to be a Bed dispatcher attempting to win the “World’s Fastest Bed Filling” Championship.

Primary patient involved: Mrs. I-Only-Have-One-Kidney-Left (real name protected for karmic reasons).
Initial diagnosis: Chronic inability to produce meaningful urine output despite chemical encouragement resembling "internal waterboarding.”

Interventions Included:

Bladder catheter placed (against patient’s spiritual values).
i.v. Furosemide injections, in quantities usually reserved for emptying small lakes.
Multiple bladder scans (some say she scanned more than the patient blinked).
Emotional de-escalation while operating under the psychological equivalent of DEFCON 3
Acting as unofficial therapist and spiritual guide.
Solving the Mysterious Case of the Missing Urine, now officially unsolved.

Root Cause Analysis:

Bed dispatcher possibly powered by Red Bull and delusion.
Human kidneys being petty.
Laws of physiology refusing to vibe.
Cosmic punishment for being a competent nurse.

Immediate Actions:

Catheter lovingly removed upon patient's panic.
Furosemide escalated (120mg i.v. = doc dgaf and nurse tears in syringe form).
Bladder scans performed with the passion of a caffeinated octopus.
Call bells answered with limbs borrowed from parallel dimensions.

Outcome:

Patient finally sleeping (hero move).
Nurse Solena: exhausted, victorious, questioning reality.
Universe: still rude.

Recommendations:

Install electric fence around dispatch department (humanely charged, of course).
Free chocolate and tequila shots after every 5 bladder scans.
Officially crown Solena “Queen and supreme ruler of diuretic protocols.”

⚠️ Incident Report No. 2: Angio Side Quest from Hell

After surviving the Renal Rapture™, CRN Solena was summoned to participate in a side quest called:

“Retrieve the Coronary Angiography Patient and Prepare for Chaos: Deluxe Edition.”

New arrival: Freshly stented renal artery, with bonus germs and an isolation sticker.

Main Crisis: Midline catheter blocked like a cursed drain during Mercury retrograde.

Tactical Actions Attempted by CRN Solena:

Gentle coaxing (catheter showed no gratitude).
Injecting NaCl 0.9% like a high priestess blessing a haunted relic.
Syringe aspiration = air. Just air. Haunted space movie levels of air.
Turning patient like a rotisserie chicken. Arm up, arm down, cough, shake it out.
Finally called the doc and documented the crime scene for Vascular Clinic.

Bonus Achievement Unlocked:

New peripheral i.v. placed without breaking skin or spirit.
Skill Level: 100000000 unlocked.

🫀 Meanwhile, in a parallel dimension:

New challenge:
Patient with unstable aortic aneurysm (BP MUST stay below SYS120 mmHg)…

Wants to go smoke because of course they do.
Blames MRI stress for blood pressure spike (because why not??).
Blood pressure proceeds to yeet upwards to 142…, 144…, 146… mmHg despite all your careful interventions

Solena’s response:

Nifedipine.
Physiotens.
Finally, Urapidil i.v. and Esmolol infusion initiated like a precision curse against vascular collapse.

Patient’s Arteries: "We are fighting for our lives."
Patient: “I’m going home tomorrow!”
Solena (still holding the IV tubing like a sacred relic): “…Are you, though?”

Root Cause Summary:

Catheter possessed by air demons.
Aneurysm patient powered by pure nicotine and bad decisions.
Angio unit staffed by what can only be described as "amateur plumbers."
Universe again targeting high-functioning nurses.

Final Outcomes:

Midline: Declared dead. Funeral pending.
Aneurysm: Stabilized through witchcraft and pharmacology.
Solena: Ascended. Possibly glowing. Definitely deserving of cake.

Official Recommendations:

Mandatory combat pay for nurses who successfully prevent explosions (literal or emotional) on shift.
Mandatory Champagne and Cat Video Hour after any shift involving cursed installations.
Immediate promotion of CRN Solena to Queen of Vascular Stability, Renal Warrior, and Goddess of Controlled Blood Pressure.

Filed By:
Charge RN Solena
Approved By:
All nurses who’ve ever questioned their career choices at 03:00 while holding a stethoscope and an emotional breakdown.

🛡️ Disclaimer: Read This Before You Report Me

(a legally sound love letter to ethics, humor, and patient privacy)

The content of this newsletter is a fictionalized, satirical representation of nursing life, based on real emotional, spiritual, and clinical experiences from the trenches of healthcare.

All patients, colleagues, and scenarios are heavily anonymized, altered, merged, or completely fabricated for narrative and protective purposes. Any resemblance to real individuals is purely coincidental or unintentional.

No identifying details—such as names, initials, room numbers, hospital locations, birthdates, or medical case combinations—have been included that would allow identification under Swiss Federal Data Protection Act (DSG) or professional nursing ethics outlined by the SBK-ASI.

These entries are not clinical documentation. They are diary-style reflections meant to process trauma, celebrate absurdity, and survive this beautiful, broken system with just enough sarcasm and stardust.

I am a licensed nurse. I also have a soul.
This space protects both.

Please do not interpret anything here as medical advice, gossip, or policy guidance. It is for storytelling, solidarity, and surviving another shift with our humanity intact.

© 2025 Solena Vyhra. All rights reserved.
This work is part of the series ICU Diaries.
No part of this poem, including text or visual design, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from the author.
For inquiries, permissions, or collaborations, please contact: solenavyhra@gmail.com

Illustration and layout by Solena Vyhra.
Typography: Special Elite (poem titles), Signature (author tag).
Published on Substack via Where Silence Becomes Ritual.

Where Silence Becomes Ritual